Labor

I did it. They said it couldn't be done, but I proved them wrong.
All it takes is some plain, unadulterated perseverance.

Makes me feel pretty good. Disgusted, but proud.

I unclogged a toilet.

Ewwwww grosss!!!!, right? Well I'll tell you what. It's a pretty damn hard job. Especially since this sucker has been grumping and gurgling for a week of ineffectual treatments. And here I am, your faithful blogger, ready to share my secrets.

I know that you little chickadees out there want entertainment, not walkthroughs. But I can speak from experience and state that there are very few entertaining webpages on this topic. Maybe the desperate homeowner doesn't want to read a lot of clever banter surrounding this topic, but I feel at the same time I must satisfy our faithful readers. And who knows? Perhaps this post will bring a few amateur plumbers into our audience.

There are many methods and materials involved. Rather than bore you with a long spiel on the correct scientific method of unblocking your own porcelain throne, I'll present it to you in classic Ornery Eyrie style.

Disclaimer: The following steps were my course of action. If your toilet or you is strange, they may not work that well for you. Or you may have to take bits and pieces of the advice.

First, assemble your weapons.







Okay! We're finally ready to begin!

First, let out all that frustration. Scream. Shout. Strangle a plant or two. But afterwards, calm down in the knowledge that your problem will soon be solved.

Next, a bit of foresight never hurt anyone. Move everything on the ground out of the bathroom. You may want to clean up your sink area (toothbrushes would be an especially smart thing to remove), since if you end up bailing water, that's where it's going to go.

Check the water level in your toilet. Is it unusually high or unusually low? If it's too high, you may want to grab your basin and bail out some of that water before starting.

Feed the plumbing snake in. I had a lot of trouble figuring out how to use mine, but eventually I settled for holding the pole horizontally, resting it against my hip, and crankin' dat. Your toilet may get scratched, but you can pretend to admire its battle scars in order to make it feel better. Or if you are the maternal kind, you can kiss its wounds later.

The idea behind this step can be seen in this handy diagram:


If after a good snaking (go as long as possible not only for the potential unclogging, but also for the bicep workout), the water level seems to have gone down a bit, you may try flushing. Praying is a good idea, because floods are hard to clean up. Not to mention disgusting. But a better use for your hands might be that plastic basin, since bailing is easier than cleaning.

If you are too slow at bailing, and it floods...Now what?
Clean it up, dope. That's what the rags are for.

Afterwards, the water level should go down quite a bit. At this point, I loaded my plastic basin with hot water, held it about 2-3 feet above the toilet, and replicated Niagara Falls. After a few times, I noticed some gurgling. At this point, I flushed--be ready to bail out water if you don't want to clean up another flood.

Shockingly, it was clear.

After a few more flushes, I determined that the toilet was fine. However, the bathroom looked like a war zone. First wipe everything down until it's dry, then go over it all with the Clorox wipes. If you got the nice citrusy ones, your bathroom will smell nice.

Finally, it's time to use that rubber duckie.
Take a bath. Please. Especially before you go frolic in IKEA.

So how does the title fit? Sure, unplugging a toilet is a pretty grungy job. And whoo, it's Labor Day! But that's not all. I do hope that by now, you all expect more clever statements out of the inhabitants of the Ornery Eyrie.

Remember the 12 labors of Hercules? Specifically, the one where he had to clean the stables?
I feel pretty Herculean now.